Let’s be honest: not everyone loves the holidays.
Despite what commercials, Hallmark movies, and social media feeds might suggest, this time of year isn’t joyful for everyone. For some, it’s painful. For others, it’s just… complicated.
Maybe the holidays remind you of someone you lost.
Maybe your family gatherings are filled with tension or disconnection.
Maybe you feel pressure to act cheerful when you’re barely hanging on.
Or maybe you’ve never felt at home in holiday traditions at all — and each December just deepens that sense of being different.
At Awakened Path Counseling, we want to name this: It is okay to not love the holidays. It’s not a failure. It doesn’t make you a Grinch. And you’re definitely not alone.
Whether you’re dreading the season yourself or trying to support someone who struggles this time of year, here’s a gentle guide to navigating the holidays with compassion and care.
Step One: Stop Pretending It’s Fine
Let’s start here: You don’t have to fake it. You’re allowed to feel however you feel — even if that means you don’t feel “festive.” The more we try to suppress discomfort in the name of holiday spirit, the more isolated and disconnected we tend to feel.
Instead of forcing yourself into cheer, try telling yourself: “I don’t have to feel how everyone else feels. My experience is still valid.” Let that be the foundation you build the rest of the season on.
The Many Reasons People May Not Love the Holidays
Holiday dread doesn’t come from nowhere. It’s usually rooted in very real pain or unmet needs. Some common reasons include:
- Grief and loss – Missing someone during the holidays can feel unbearable, especially when their absence is amplified by traditions, rituals, or empty chairs at the table.
- Family dysfunction – Not all families are safe or supportive. Holiday gatherings can trigger anxiety, guilt, or re-traumatization.
- Loneliness – Many people feel more alone during the holidays than at any other time of year.
- Unrealistic expectations – The pressure to feel grateful, happy, generous, or connected can lead to shame when your reality falls short of the ideal.
- Financial stress – Gifts, travel, time off — it adds up fast, and not everyone has the means to keep up.
- Seasonal depression – The winter months themselves can trigger SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and deepen emotional struggles.
When you or someone you love “hates the holidays,” chances are there’s a very good reason. The goal isn’t to fix or deny that — it’s to hold it with kindness.
If You’re Struggling: Be Gentle With Yourself
When you’re the one hurting during the holidays, here are a few ways to care for yourself with intention:
- Name What’s Hard
Sometimes just naming the thing lifts a little of its weight. Try journaling or saying out loud:
“This season is hard for me because ___.”
No explanation needed. Naming it is validating.
- Give Yourself Permission to Opt Out (or Modify)
You don’t have to say yes to everything — or anything. Give yourself permission to decline invitations that feel too painful or performative. You can also create modified versions of traditions that feel more aligned with what you actually need right now.
Instead of: “I should go to the family party.”
Try: “What would feel most supportive for me this weekend?”
- Create Your Own Rituals
If the old rituals bring pain, make space for new ones. Light a candle in memory of someone you miss. Write a letter to yourself. Go for a solo walk with your favorite music. Watch a movie that makes you laugh. Rituals don’t have to be extravagant to be meaningful — they just need to be yours.
- Plan for After
Sometimes the best way to cope is to build a bridge. Make small plans for after the holiday rush — coffee with a friend, a cozy night in, a favorite playlist. Having something to look forward to can soften the sharp edges of the present.
- Seek Support (and Let It In)
You don’t have to carry all of this alone. Therapy can be a place to make sense of holiday grief, burnout, or family wounds — not just during December, but all year long. Reach out if you need to. Let someone walk with you.
If Someone You Love Hates the Holidays: Be a Safe Place
Supporting someone who struggles during the holidays isn’t about fixing or convincing — it’s about meeting them where they are.
Here’s how:
- Validate First, Always
Instead of “But it’s Christmas!” or “Try to focus on the positives,” start with:
“I know this time of year is really hard for you. I get it.”
Validation is powerful. It makes people feel seen instead of shamed.
- Ask What They Need (Not What You Think They Need)
Don’t assume you know what will help. Ask directly:
- “Is there anything I can do to support you this week?”
- “Would it feel okay if I invited you to [event], or would you prefer some space?
- “Would you like company, or do you need some quiet?”
Even if they don’t know what they need, the question reminds them they’re not alone.
- Respect Their Boundaries
If someone declines an invitation or opts out of a tradition, don’t take it personally. Try not to guilt or pressure them to “just come anyway.” Trust that they’re taking care of themselves in the best way they can — and honor that effort.
- Be Present, Even From Afar
Sometimes the best support is subtle. A text that says, “Thinking of you today.” A check-in after a tough gathering. A silly meme that makes them smile.
You don’t have to say the perfect thing. Just being there — without expectation — can mean everything.
Let’s Normalize Holiday Grief, Anger, and Exhaustion
There is no “right” way to feel during the holidays. It’s okay if your joy is laced with grief. It’s okay if your grief is laced with anger. It’s okay if your love comes with limits.
We don’t heal by pretending everything is fine. We heal by making space for the full truth — messy, painful, beautiful, complicated — and holding it with compassion.
Kindness Is the Throughline
If you remember anything this season, let it be this:
Kindness counts. Toward others, yes — but also toward yourself.
It’s okay to need space.
It’s okay to set boundaries.
It’s okay to grieve.
It’s okay to feel numb.
It’s okay to feel joy, guilt, gratitude,- and resentment all in the same day.
Whatever this season brings, you’re allowed to meet it as you, not as who others want you to be.
At Awakened Path Counseling, we offer a safe space for people who feel out of sync with the season. If you’re struggling with grief, anxiety, family stress, or simply feeling like you’ve lost your way, you’re not alone. Reach out today to connect with one of our therapists.
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